I tried to get something written down and out by the first week of October but was having a hard time figuring out how to put into words what I wanted to talk about. As I mulled over what to write to all of you, I was hit by a car while on my motorcycle in October. Some guy was texting as he entered a roundabout. I saw him, revved my engine, tried to swerve around him, but he clipped the back of my bike. It fell on top of my leg, but we got it off and I was able to ride it home and walk away from the accident. After it happened, I didn’t think twice about.  I wondered why I wasn’t more traumatized. Then it hit me (not literally), that getting hit by a fucking car was the least traumatizing ‘event’ I dealt with in October.
 
For the record, I am fine. I managed to escape with a little tightness on one side of my neck, a messed-up knee (dented my gas tank), and a bruise from my back-pocket button on my butt cheek.
 
By now I’m sure most of you have read about the hearing surrounding the lovely Judge Kavanaugh (who I will kindly refer to as It for the remainder of this email). For those of you who don’t know, I had something almost identical to what Dr. Ford went through happen to me at the beginning of my sophomore year of college. I never reported it.
 
A few years later, I wrote an article for Elite Daily talking about how staying silent had affected me. After I wrote that article, there were a handful of events that led to a huge blow out between me and some of my closest friends. I’ll spare the details, but I went through a really dark and rough time where I felt voiceless, powerless, and numb to everything around me. That was a few years ago and ever since then I have been around people that have only helped with my healing. I didn’t want to go to a therapist back then because I thought I was strong enough to figure everything out on my own. I brushed all of the pain and all of those negative experiences under a rug and then pushed it underneath the rug so deep that I had all but forgotten about it. I had done a great job of that (minus some sporadic anxiety attacks) until the hearing with It’s confirmation.
 
All of the sudden, that pain and anxiety and hurt and frustration came bubbling back up. I was having flashbacks. I was crying randomly. I felt like I wanted to punch every man that looked at me, except George, who has been incredible through all of this (Hi baby!). I wanted to scream and shake everyone who seemed to be going about their daily lives. How could anyone function normally with this playing in the background? I started becoming distracted and unmotivated with work. I couldn’t write, it was almost as though someone stole my voice.  I felt a constant weight on my chest that made it hard for me to breathe. I was jumping every time I heard a loud noise and felt like everyone was watching me. I felt like I was stuck in a glass box, suffocating and trying to yell for help while others just looked at me and walked by. I felt helpless and vulnerable. During one of my flashbacks, I became hysterical and spent an hour sobbing into George’s arms while he tried to calm me down.
 
The first time I went through everything was traumatizing, but I was in survival mode. I shut down, became numb and forced myself to pretend that I was ok. I knew I wasn’t, but I didn’t know how to admit that. I felt trapped in my own body. It took a while to climb out of that dark place. I promised myself I would never allow myself to reach those depths again.
 
I was weary of going to a therapist because I felt like no one could help me. I felt weak asking for help, for admitting my pain, because admitting it meant that I was still suffering from things that I thought were in the past. I was upset because it meant accepting that I would never be the person I was before the trauma. It was part of me, and I had to learn how to grow with it.
 
This time was different though. I saw the warning signs. I saw myself slipping into those same feelings. I felt my body try to go into survival mode but this time, I wasn’t by myself. I had someone who loves me and who would be by my side. Whether I was fixed or broken. It wasn’t fair to him, to us, to allow myself to shut down and avoid dealing with this pain from so long ago.
 
The morning after that last flashback, I admitted something that I never had before. I was not OK and I needed to get help, so I did.
 
I found a therapist that I love. I have been seeing her twice a month since October and have been focused on healing mentally (and physically). It’s a work in progress and there are a lot of things I am working through but going to her has been one of my proudest accomplishments to date.
 
So yeah, I got hit by a car on my bike in October and I have been MIA since then, but I’m alive and I’m healthy. And for the first time in a while, I’m confident that I’m going to be okay. 

If not identified by gender
If not identified by political stance
If not identified by a sport
If not identified by a group of friends
If not identified by a hobby
If not identified by my body
If not identified by a job
If not identified by a position
If not identified by a look
If not identified by where I live
 
I am a combination of everything while identifying as nothing.
 
I am
A photographer
A woman
A libertarian
A yogi
A snowboarder
A friend
A listening ear
A writer
A photographer
A motorcyclist
A marketing strategist
A body
A manager
A Californian
A New Mexico Native
 
But at the same time, I am none of these things.
 
I am a buffet. Tastes of each food without the commitment of a full meal.
 
I feel lost amongst the noise.
 
Everyone proclaiming they are someone, doing something, from somewhere.
 
I am trying so hard to find myself but grasping at a wall made of sand. Everything I grab crumbles in front of me.
 
I am not consistent. The only ways to feel identified by society are by the exact same things that we are told not to let mold us. The mold always breaks before it has a chance to set.
 
I am tired of trying.
 
“When all else fails, be yourself”
 
Who is that person? Yourself?
 
What does that mean? The only thing constant, is my state of flux.
 
Don’t get too comfortable, don’t relax, don’t become vulnerable, because the second you do you know what’s going to happen. The job won’t be there, the address will change, the sport, the hobby, the past times, the friends, will shift like the leaves change color.
 
What are you supposed to be when you are too afraid to identify as anything?

Well, I don’t think there are any excuses as to why I blew through my deadline of the 'first of the month' for this newsletter. I mean, it’s practically September and I already know I’ll be behind on that next one because hey- I’m just getting this guy out. But I’m here and alive so that has to count for something.
 
The past three years, I’ve focused on giving myself some sort of gift of growth for my birthday. Last year, it was my motorcycle safety class, license and motorcycle. The year before that, it was working hard and winning a couple pitch competitions, the year before that, it was a business class.
 
I tried to think of a gift I could give myself that would help push me forward this year (apparently getting the newsletter out on time was not one of them). I racked my brain trying to think of what to do and couldn’t think of anything significant. My book is at the point where I just need to dedicate the time to continue editing and let’s be honest with ourselves here, I haven’t worked on it more than an hour this month. I have been hitting most of my goals at work, I’ve been staying healthy, exercising, focusing on my health, my relationship, and my happiness. There hasn’t seemed to be anything big that I can do to help push me on the right path.
 
Usually my birthday month is filled with hitting huge goals, accomplishing big tasks, and then at the end of the month, I celebrate by ending that year with a bang.
 
This year, I spent August doing everything I could to just make it through. I overbooked my schedule, overworked, missed out on 1 and ½ weddings because of poor scheduling on my part (and some nasty food poisoning), and had the joy of being thrust into the fun world of health care (collective sigh).
 
At first, I was frustrated because I felt like I hadn't kept up the momentum I had built over the past 3 years. Then I realized that some of my goals this year were to be real, authentic, and unapologetic. At my previous job, I had to act older than I was. I had to pretend I was smarter, more experienced, more put together, more… EVERYTHING. One of the things I yearned for during that job (which was still an incredible experience) was to just be in my 20’s.
 
I was tired of trying to hide my age and I was over trying to pretend like I had every move calculated, because I didn't. And I still don't.
 
I wanted to mess up, be lost, find myself, discover things, be open about my mistakes, be selfish, be in love, and just be real.
 
I’m not perfect, I don’t have it all together, I mess up, I overbook myself, I miss my own deadlines, I cry on the phone every time I try to get quotes about health care (because I’m so frustrated by the entire ordeal), I go to events and make a dinner out of the ‘light appetizers’ ( I mean seriously, who doesn’t?). But alongside the S.S. Shit-show, I have also had some amazing accomplishments.
 
I have allowed myself to choose happiness. I have a job that I love, inspirational and supportive friends that surround me, a family that cheers me on, and a lifelong partner in crime that I get to marry this year!! Is it a gift that I can wrap up in a bow and give to myself? Not really but going into year 26, I think it’s exactly the kind of gift that I need.
 
I hope the rest of your month (aka the next 2 days) go well and that you allow yourself to choose happiness day in and day out.
 
Give 'Em Hell,
​Lex

Happy May! I’ve always thought newsletters are a bit presumptuous. Like by offering my own newsletter, I am under some weird impression that I’ve somehow gotten my life together more than you and want to shove some useless wisdom in your face. I hope I don’t ever come off like that and if I do, feel free to unsubscribe. Slaps of reality are always welcome. 
 
All of us have goals that we are working towards and sometimes when they are hard obstacles on our journey, we feel like we are the only ones struggling. I'm writing this because I believe we are not. Writing consistently is one of my goals and one that I struggle with, so having the pressure of a newsletter is a great way for me to make sure I don’t bail on myself. By subscribing you are holding me to a promise to myself, so thank you.

With that being said, let’s kick this baby off!!

The other day I was running- well mainly walking, let’s not kid ourselves- and enjoying the Spring afternoon. I couldn’t help but smile as I walked past trees and flowers that were just starting to bloom after their winter hibernation. As I walked past a park I noticed it was filled with dandelions so, like a normal mature adult, I immediately sidetracked to pick one up to make a wish. I found the perfect one, took a deep breath and thought about what I wanted to wish for. 

Then I paused.
 
I know that it is just a tradition to wish on a dandelion when you blow it. Just in case for some weird reason that wish does work, I want it to be a good one. I thought for a second and tried to figure out what a could wish would be that could encompass all of the things I am constantly working towards achieving. I could wish for this book to take off, I could wish for my relationship to continue growing, I could wish for more self-discipline with my workouts (especially with my running), I could wish for happiness but I feel like that’s too broad for one dandelion.
 
There are so many paths, so many opportunities, so many choices, that we are presented with. Sometimes we regret our choices and sometimes we are relieved that we choose what we did.

Hindsight is 20/20.

No matter what the circumstance, there is always a choice being made and with that choices comes sacrifice. 
 
Whether that means choosing to sleep in instead of working out, spending quality time with my fiancé (that just happened!) over editing my book, or hermiting(yes, I know this is not a word. I made it up) away to work on my goals instead of spending that time with friends. No matter what I choose, I'm still neglecting something else.
 
I always feel a little remorse for the option not taken. What if I had chosen B instead of A? Would things be different? Would I still be here? But while I was holding that dandelion, I realized that there is no use feeling bad for the path not taken. Nothing can change where you are inan exact moment. Even if I felt bad for choosing a run, I couldn't immediately stop and choose something else. I couldn’t all of the sudden editmy book or hang out with friends, or work on any of my other goals. I could only be right there, in that park, in the middle of a walk/attempted run.

I had to be ok with that.
 
So I took a deep breath, (well as deep as I could breathe, I have asthma) and wished for happiness in all of the choices I have made and will make. 
 
I blew all the fuzzies off in the first breath which seems like a great start in the right direction. I'm not expecting that dandelion to change my life though, I think I'm going to take it from here.

I hope that this month brings a plethora of incredible opportunities to you. 
 
Give ‘Em Hell, 
 
Lex

​25% of viewers, including myself, watch the Super Bowl mainly for the ads and secondly for the snacks (The snacks are my input, but snack strong my friends!).  Over the past couple of years, Super Bowl Ads have become a draw of their own.  Millions of dollars spent on a couple 30 seconds, previews of new products, releases, new movies, and of course the Budweiser commercial of the year. 
 
We know that one of the most effective forms of marketing is storytelling, which is why the ads are so captivating.  Companies no longer sell products, they sell feelings. “If you buy this, you will feel beautiful”.  They sell statements.  “If you own this car, people will see you as this person.” Marketing professionals also look at things that emotionally charge our society and use that to their advantage.
 
For others like me, football becomes the commercial in between information about new trends in marketing.  It becomes the fashion week for advertisers and marketers alike.  We get to see what the top dogs are doing and then watch everyone else follow suit.
 
No matter what side of politics you fall on, we can all admit that over the past few months there has been a push for inclusiveness and equality.  There has been tension on both sides of these beliefs and plenty of conversations surrounding them.  Where there is tension, there is emotion.  And where there is emotion, there is marketing.  There are two trends that seem tied for popularity for the next couple of months: Inclusiveness in America and women equality.  Here are some of the commercials that fell into these two categories:
 
AirBnB
Audi
Coca Cola
Budweiser
84 Lumber
It’s A 10
 
 You may be thinking to yourself, “That’s 6 out of 51 total commercials.” But just wait and watch the tone for marketing in these next few months.  These six are setting the tone. 
 

​There has been so much going on in Lexi land currently with work, life and everything in between but I had an interaction with someone a few days ago that really gave me a chance to sit back and reflect on what I have achieved in the past year.  When I think of how my life went in 2015, my initial reaction is to cringe.  It was a really emotional and hard year.  I fully committed to going after my dream and lost a lot of friends and support in the process.  I hit an all time low and felt more alone than I ever had in my entire life (as I am learning in the entrepreneurial community this is called Emotional Isolation and is more common than I thought).  I remember nights in the summer where I would be laying in my bed screaming and crying at the universe.  I felt like I had these huge dreams to make my mark on the Universe but no matter how many doors I knocked on, none were opening up.  I hated myself because even in those lowest points, my gut would not let me give up.
 
More times than I can count, I had people make fun of me and tell me how stupid I was.  I was told that my major was the easiest route to graduation possible and the fact that I thought anything I did was hard was a joke.  I was told that I was a loser who would churn out nothing more than a few children.  I was told that while I was suffering and poor, others would be driving Lamborghinis and laughing at me.  I was told I was a joke, a psychopath, a bitch, a terrible human being.  I was told I was the ugliest person alive and that I was pathetic.  I was told that with my independence and drive, I would never find a man and therefore never truly be happy.  I was told to shut up, that I had too much energy and that I would never succeed.  I was told that “at least I was pretty” because I had no merit what so ever.  I was made fun of for my dreams, my life and everything in between.  I was in so much pain and did everything I could to smile through it.  The ironic part in all this? Those months where I was feeling the lowest were months that people ended up telling me how radiant I was and how happiness emulated from my very being.  
 
I wanted so badly to just give up and walk away from everything.  I wanted to listen to my parents and get a 9-5 job, learn the ropes and just make money to be happy.  I realized I didn’t fit in with people my age.  I wanted so badly to just be accepted and be a normal young adult.  I never felt like I fully fit in with one specific crowd and a good portion of 2015 was spent being angry about that.  I had given up trying to fit in and was just in a period of time where I was trying to accept that this was who I was. 
 
Almost one full month into 2016, I am in an entirely different place.  I have never been happier with the way my life has gone and although I would not wish the negative’s from this past year on even my worst enemy, I realized that through the pain came one of the most amazing and influential years of my life.  Through all the pain, I found more fire and more passion for my dream than I ever had before.  I accomplished more in 2015 than all my previous years combined.  I remember having a meeting with a big time Venture Capitalist to discuss my speaking ideas and I remember him looking at me and asking if I was ready for the work that would go into this.  I remember looking at him and saying, “I have absolutely nothing left to lose.”  I remember him looking at me with a smile on his face while he said, “I have no doubt that you are going to change the world.” I remember sitting in a meeting with the founder of EquiSeq a few weeks into my contract and him asking me where I saw myself in his company in a few years.  I looked him straight in the eye and said “CEO.”
 
I don’t believe I am successful enough to give advice or preach, but I will share what I have learned from my personal experience.  Shit sucks sometimes (pardon my French), there will always be bad days (sometimes a lot. Sometimes one right after another) and there will always be people who will do anything in their power to knock you down and make you feel like you are worth nothing.  Some of us will never fit in with the ‘cool kids’ (me included) but it isn’t worth trying to.  Just find your own island of misfit toys and enjoy your life with like minded people. 
 
We have two choices in life: make yourself uncomfortable and then force yourself to move forward, or stay comfortable.  If there is one thing I have learned from this past year, it is to keep moving forward.  Even if forward means smiling when you feel like crying or getting out of bed and facing a problem when you really just want to stay home and hide.  Moving forward isn’t easy because it involves fighting for what you want but it has the highest payoff.
 
I was not a 4.0 student and I did not attend business school but what I lacked in ‘book smarts’ I made up for with determination.  I never fit in, so I stopped trying and my life became drastically better.  The moral of the story is I have learned that there is no point in trying to become someone you are not.  Find what makes you happy and then stop at nothing to do it for the rest of your life.
 
 
 

​I believe sometimes we end up getting so absorbed by the present moment that we forget every single other second in our life prior to our current situation.  We forget all of the amazing times life gives to remind us that everything is going to be ok.  Sometimes I hate where life takes me.  It brings me to these low points, forces me to stay there and absorb everything but then in a blink of an eye everything changes again and all is once again forgiven. Come to think of it, life is one of the most forgiving forces in this universe.  We mess up on a daily basis, yet every day we are alive, life gives us another chance.  We are given a gift and get to spend our entire existence creating memories and learning from past experiences. 

I hit a prolonged low point when I was 19-20 years old.  To bring some sort of comfort and reminder to my present self, I started writing letters to my 'past self'-embodying who I wanted to be in the future and writing as though I was opening it in that given moment and it was from a future version of me.  I felt like these letters would serve as a reminder that the emotional state I was currently in was not going to last forever and at some point, the current struggles would be nothing more than a passing moment in time. 
 
I would set a date for myself anywhere in between two weeks to six months to reopen and reread my letter.  Every time I read them I would smile, because my ‘future self’ was always right.  Those letters helped solidify what I believe: There will always be bad days and good days, but never a bad life.  Now, instead of being upset with a current situation, I try to embody where I want to be a few months down the line and write myself a letter from that person’s perspective.  I recently came across the stack of letters that I had saved.  After reading them all over again, I realized all of those stressful times had turned themselves into beautiful moments and memories.  
 
Now in all honesty, if I had ever actually received the letters I had written to myself in those current moments of turmoil, I probably would have been frustrated.  I would want to know everything that happened to me so I could prepare etc., but that’s the point of it all.  Today, I reflect and realize that here in lies the beauty of life. 
 
No matter what happens, we WILL get through it.  Because when you get down to the logics of it all, each moment is it’s own entity.  We only live it once before it becomes another moment.  If we knew how the future was going to be, we would be spending every single one of those moments focused on the next one.  We forget that sometimes we need to suffer in order to appreciate happiness, and sometimes we lose things in order to find them, because without a yin, there is no yang.  Without life, without these moments, we would never be able to live.
 
Some people yearn for structure and normality, but honestly I can’t bring myself to understand why.  Life is created around these beautiful moments that surround the eye of the hurricane.  The only good thing about a plateau is you get a chance to reflect.  My most amazing memories have been the highest highs and the lowest lows that were separated by the ideal normalcy.  The profession I chose has a warning label that everyone discloses within the first few moments of meeting you, “Your life will become an emotional roller coaster, enjoy the highs and understand the lows will not last forever.  If you want stability, find a corporate job.”  There is a good chance I will experience lows lower than ever before, and an even greater chance I will experience some highs that will make whatever lows worth it. 

I have given much thought to the path I decided to start venturing down and I came to the conclusion that I want my life to be made up of as many wonderful moments as possible.  This means highs, lows and everything in between.  I only have one shot at this whole life thing and I plan on collecting as many memories as possible.  Everything situation we find ourselves in can be looked at as another memory, whether it's good or bad.  So really, what do we have to lose?

Selfish (Adjective): concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

I can most definitely be considered a selfish person and upon meeting someone new I typically own up this information.  Initially (as expected) a statement like that this does not leave a good first impression.  So I would like to clarify.  

Being selfish means putting my happiness and my success before anyone else’s.  I have been told multiple times “How can you sleep at night knowing you are choosing yourself over people that could be suffering?” My answer is usually an exasperated explanation so I decided to sum up my reasoning in 7 reasons to avoid future bad impressions:


7 Reason’s Why I’m OK being Selfish Prick:

1.     People will always take whatever amount of energy you offer to them

If you offer up all of your energy, they will take it utilize every last piece of it and continue on their personal journey to happiness without thinking twice about your path and the lack of energy they left you for your personal goals.  The world will pull you in a million different directions but it is up to you to decide which way is going to benefit you in the long run.

2.     Everyone is fighting their own battles

Of course everyone has his or her own obstacles, and I am in no way recommending that you watch someone fail if there is a way to help them.  What I am saying is that every single person goes through very hard struggles at some point in their life and although it is nice to lend a helping hand, you cannot expect them to turn around and help you solve your problems down the road.

3.     No one will give up their goals to help you achieve yours

 I ran a Spartan race and there were times where I would stop to help someone up an obstacle, and there would be times that other people would stop to help me.  I was not in the race to win, I was in the race to complete it so stopping and helping others was not something that I had an issue with.  However, I did notice that some of the runners ignored the people struggling.  This could mean their goals were different and although this aggravated the people struggling, those runners understood that sometimes you have to focus on your personal battle and not everyone else’s. 

4.     If it is a choice between someone else’s happiness and your own, choose your own.

Everyone should take responsibility for their own feelings, and you should do the same.  No one else can make you as happy as you can, so leave other peoples emotions to themselves and do everything in your power to maintain your own happiness. 

5.    Wherever we take ourselves is where we end up

I want to change the world.  It would be extremely naïve to expect someone else to fight through all the obstacles for me.  I am aware that the only way I will achieve my goals is to work towards them.  No matter how much studying or work someone else does for me, when it comes to the final test I will be as prepared as I made myself.  No one else’s hard work can make up for that.

6.     We all go through rough patches, but learning how to get through them by ourselves is what creates our true character

I have had bad days.  We all do.  I have had days of doors getting shut in my face, days where people laugh at me, days where I feel like all of my hard work isn’t going anywhere.  But it is those hardest days that have made me more determined to succeed.  Those are the days I can credit most for getting me to the point am I am now.

7.     If you value your self worth, you will realize you deserve to be just as happy as everyone else.

 I used to make sure everyone else was happy first because I knew I could handle the stress that I felt they could not.  Although it was great for everyone else that was getting helped, I was miserable.  But I was ok with that because I figured it was ‘better me than someone else’.  After some extensive soul searching I realized my self worth was worth more than that.  I finally understood that I deserved to be just as happy as the next person.  I understand that I am a human being with a heartbeat, a passion and things to bring to the table, just like everyone else out there.  Why should I hinder myself so that someone can take my place?

Back to the question that most people ask me, how do I sleep at night with this mentality?  Everyone has their own battles they are fighting.  Every day of my life has been a battle for a step closer to my goal.  There have been a lot of great days and a lot of not so great days.  I sleep well at night because I know that I am 110% able to take care of myself and nurture my dream without needing someone else to give me the energy that they deserve to keep for themselves.  

Every single one of us out there is capable of something great, but if we continue to serve all of our energy to those surrounding us we may never get the chance to show the world who we are.  This is why I tell people I am selfish, we should all be proud of our goals and we should all make it aware that we respect ourselves along with our dreams.  No one dream is more important than another, all we can do is focus on achieving ours and hoping everyone else is doing the same. 

The majority of people have heard of Steve Jobs and the legend he has left behind with Apple Computers.  Steve was a true story of an underdog and a ‘lucky one’.   He never finished college but he still managed to start up his own computer company and turn it into a billion dollar corporation.  I recently watched his movie and something he said in passing at the beginning really struck me.  He said, “The only thing this system (school) does is teach us how to follow the system.”

  We spend 22-25 years of our lives learning things inside a classroom.  We spend elementary, middle and high school sitting in chairs getting taught to ask permission for everything we do.  We are given homework assignments that are nothing short of repetition to engrain these thoughtless concepts into our heads.  We are taught that unless we can get good grades, we are worthless.  Stupid.  Oblivious.  And if we can’t seem to handle getting programed 6 hours a day we are told we have a disability and are given drugs to help us focus. 

Our world has changed.  Where society and classrooms used to see artists, we now see doodlers.  Where we used to see dreamers, we now see disorders.  Where we used to see people who questioned the system, we see criminals and radicals that should be put behind bars for ‘disturbing the peace’.  What peace? This peaceful knowledge of knowing everything is ok and how it should be?  A peace of mind knowing that you are doing a job that is putting food on the table and supporting your family? Why do we think these things are all ok to settle for? Why do we have to settle for ok, when we can have something amazing?  Why do we have almost half a century of our lives turning in pieces of paper that will only diminish our creativity even more?

As an almost graduated college student, I tend to ask the majority of professionals I meet how they got the job they have now.  The majority of them tell me that their jobs ended up being completely irrelevant to their majors.  Not because their majors weren’t useful, but because they did not realize their passion while in college.  They chose a major based on the skills they had found they succeeded at in prior school years, not off of their passion in life.  Why do schools spend all this time teaching us this system and then tell us to worship  creative visionaries like Steve Jobs?  “But you aren’t Steve Jobs” They have told me more than once. "He got lucky, but the way we teach is a guaranteed ticket to success."   Well, why can’t I strive to achieve the level of creative visionary that Steve Jobs has? What is the difference between me and Steve Jobs? 

Yes, if I tried to create a new concept that rivaled Apple, I probably would not succeed as much as Jobs did.  But why can’t I dare to be different and be just as crazy as he was? He saw something and went after it.  He disregarded all warnings and all systems that were already in place and then ended up creating his own way of doing things.  I would not be able to live with myself if I ended up working a job that I did not have passion for.  

When I'm successful and students start coming up and asking me how I got to where I was, I don’t want to tell them that my profession was something I stumbled into.  I want to tell them that I fought for it.  I want to tell them that I disregarded the preconceived ideas that fell behind success.  I want to tell them that I saw something and went after it the way I wanted to.  I want to tell them it wasn't easy but I succeeded anyways.  I want to tell them  I was hungry and I wanted it bad enough.  They say that the people who are crazy enough to try and change the world are the ones the usually do.  What is so crazy about changing the world though? The second someone can give me a solidified answer for that, I plan on already having made my mark.

I am an extremely selfish person.  Upon meeting anyone for the first time, I always warn them of this.  I explain that I have goals for myself and although I enjoy helping people, at the end of the day I am the only one who has the ability to change my future.  I always adhere by extremely ethical morals but I always explain that when I set a goal, I make sure I achieve it. 
 
For years, my romantic relationships failed and the common answer was that I was too independent and too career driven. I was told my determinedness scared off any potential suitors, I was told my aggression towards my dreams was an unattractive quality to have when it came to relationships and 'finding a man'.  I felt terrible and self conscious but no matter how hard I tried, I could not bring myself to stray from my dreams.  

It took a little while, but I now realize that being a driven woman is something I should be extremely proud of.  I have gone after things I had wanted and become successful because of it.  My determinedness rubs some people the wrong way, but to be honest I am so focused on my life that those opinions no longer matter.  I would do anything to achieve my dreams and if people cannot accept that it's their problem, not mine.  Times are different and although some people still view my determination as a flaw, most people now see it as a positive attribute.  This is for all the girls out there who have ever felt self conscious or guilty about going after their  dreams and putting themselves first.  

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T DATE A GIRL WHO IS DRIVEN



You know the kind.  

Frayed hair, bags under the eyes, a delirious smile across her face as she finishes the touches on her latest project at 4 AM.  That girl.  The one that listens to none other than her beating heart and her initial gut instinct.

She sees a vision and all of the sudden everything else fades away from it, including you. 

Don’t date a girl who is driven.

If you think mind games will work on a girl like that, you’re wrong.  She will leave you the second you try to pull her down without even a second glance back in your direction.  She is over mind games, boys and everything in between.  She knows that there is more to life than a few dates and drunken hook ups.  She doesn’t care about status or money because she knows that the only time those things matter are when they are your own.    

Don’t date a girl who is driven for she will consistently blow your mind with numerous facts about things you didn’t even know existed.  She will talk about them until she tires out the subject and discovers something new to learn about.  She will more than likely unintentionally make you feel inferior at one point or another.  Don’t try to tell her that something is not important because to her, everything has a reason for existing.  

She does not understand the concept of “I want to, but I can’t”.  If she cares about you, she will do everything in her power to help you succeed.  She doesn’t understand that not everyone has the same amount of energy and passion that she does.  She has started from the ground and worked her way to the top, she understands that people who victimize themselves are the only ones who can’t accomplish what they want.

Don’t date a girl who is driven for she is independent and successful.  Our society has taught us that women are supposed to be submissive to men, but she questions and then goes against this belief.  She provides for herself what she desires and does not understand why other people feel they cannot do the same.  She is intimidating to a lot of men for this very reason. 

She probably takes a long time to warm up and trust you.  She has been hurt numerous times before by boys who were too scared to handle her energy.  She is busy most of the time and understands that sometimes work is productive when you are on your own.  She is used to being by herself so the thought of letting someone in, just to watch them leave, seems counterproductive.  She understands her self worth and values her time much more than that.  You have to prove to her that you want this.

Don’t date a girl who is driven for if you give her a reason, she will never come running back to you.  She understands that she does not need a significant other to feel like a whole person.  She has a life and whether it includes you or not, that does not stop her from achieving her goals. 

You’ll know her when you meet her.  It will be on a rare night out at the bar with some of her friends.  She will grab your attention off the bat with a large smile and some witty banter.  She will fascinate you with stories of things she has done, various facts she has learned over the years, and a fantastic story or two.  She will draw you in with her confidence and the way her eyes light up when she talks.  You will feel a desire to be fully immersed in her life, her ways, her mentality, all of it.  But the second you do, run away.  Because if you date a girl who is driven,

You will never be good enough for her. 

There is always an ending to movies.  With a cliché song and a wrap up on the entire story.  But this isn’t a movie.  This is my life and granted this is a part of a story, this is by no means the end of anything.  In fact, it's merely the beginning.  These  past years in New Mexico were some of the best and some of the worst moments of my life.  There were days that I saw no future for myself, there were nights that I had to pick myself up off the floor from crying, there were deaths I missed back home, relationships with boys I truly thought were ‘the one’, days that I never wanted to end, afternoons spent surrounded by some of the best people I have ever been around, nights that I will never remember, and mornings after spent in nothing but a mixture between silence, headaches and chuckling. 


I guess what I am trying to say is that there really is no end to a story.  There are just a constant string of memories, and these memories are what make up our lives.  Either way we are stuck living our own story so we might as well embrace everything as much as we can.  This includes the good, the bad, the angry, the friends, the family, the drunkards, the enemies, the ex boyfriends, the impromptu trips, the freedom of being irresponsible.  All these are nothing more than moments that become memories.  For a lot of us, college is the end of the best years of our lives.  To me? It's just the beginning. 

So here’s to the crazy ones.  The weird ones, the nerds, the freaks and outcasts that no one else regards as successful by societies standards, we give this earth life.  We breath difference into the normal ones around us.  We push social norms and question the way everyone lives their lives.  We stop at nothing to achieve happiness and push everyone else to do the same.  We may not be normal and we might scare people away but we are the ones that make the difference.  Don’t be afraid to march to the beat of your own drum.  In fact, why march to the beat of a drummer anyways? March to the beat of your heart, do what you love and live every second of your life to the fullest.  The ones reading this getting chills, I’m talking to you guys.  You know you’re different.  Embrace it.  Use it.  This world could use a little more shaking up. 

Here's to the stories I will be sharing with you, here's to the thoughts you can chose to agree or disagree with, but mainly here's to you for having the desire to read about my life.  I appreciate that you're giving me a solid chance to start changing the world.  

As my grandma always says,
Let's knock ‘em dead.