There has been so much going on in Lexi land currently with work, life and everything in between but I had an interaction with someone a few days ago that really gave me a chance to sit back and reflect on what I have achieved in the past year. When I think of how my life went in 2015, my initial reaction is to cringe. It was a really emotional and hard year. I fully committed to going after my dream and lost a lot of friends and support in the process. I hit an all time low and felt more alone than I ever had in my entire life (as I am learning in the entrepreneurial community this is called Emotional Isolation and is more common than I thought). I remember nights in the summer where I would be laying in my bed screaming and crying at the universe. I felt like I had these huge dreams to make my mark on the Universe but no matter how many doors I knocked on, none were opening up. I hated myself because even in those lowest points, my gut would not let me give up.
More times than I can count, I had people make fun of me and tell me how stupid I was. I was told that my major was the easiest route to graduation possible and the fact that I thought anything I did was hard was a joke. I was told that I was a loser who would churn out nothing more than a few children. I was told that while I was suffering and poor, others would be driving Lamborghinis and laughing at me. I was told I was a joke, a psychopath, a bitch, a terrible human being. I was told I was the ugliest person alive and that I was pathetic. I was told that with my independence and drive, I would never find a man and therefore never truly be happy. I was told to shut up, that I had too much energy and that I would never succeed. I was told that “at least I was pretty” because I had no merit what so ever. I was made fun of for my dreams, my life and everything in between. I was in so much pain and did everything I could to smile through it. The ironic part in all this? Those months where I was feeling the lowest were months that people ended up telling me how radiant I was and how happiness emulated from my very being.
I wanted so badly to just give up and walk away from everything. I wanted to listen to my parents and get a 9-5 job, learn the ropes and just make money to be happy. I realized I didn’t fit in with people my age. I wanted so badly to just be accepted and be a normal young adult. I never felt like I fully fit in with one specific crowd and a good portion of 2015 was spent being angry about that. I had given up trying to fit in and was just in a period of time where I was trying to accept that this was who I was.
Almost one full month into 2016, I am in an entirely different place. I have never been happier with the way my life has gone and although I would not wish the negative’s from this past year on even my worst enemy, I realized that through the pain came one of the most amazing and influential years of my life. Through all the pain, I found more fire and more passion for my dream than I ever had before. I accomplished more in 2015 than all my previous years combined. I remember having a meeting with a big time Venture Capitalist to discuss my speaking ideas and I remember him looking at me and asking if I was ready for the work that would go into this. I remember looking at him and saying, “I have absolutely nothing left to lose.” I remember him looking at me with a smile on his face while he said, “I have no doubt that you are going to change the world.” I remember sitting in a meeting with the founder of EquiSeq a few weeks into my contract and him asking me where I saw myself in his company in a few years. I looked him straight in the eye and said “CEO.”
I don’t believe I am successful enough to give advice or preach, but I will share what I have learned from my personal experience. Shit sucks sometimes (pardon my French), there will always be bad days (sometimes a lot. Sometimes one right after another) and there will always be people who will do anything in their power to knock you down and make you feel like you are worth nothing. Some of us will never fit in with the ‘cool kids’ (me included) but it isn’t worth trying to. Just find your own island of misfit toys and enjoy your life with like minded people.
We have two choices in life: make yourself uncomfortable and then force yourself to move forward, or stay comfortable. If there is one thing I have learned from this past year, it is to keep moving forward. Even if forward means smiling when you feel like crying or getting out of bed and facing a problem when you really just want to stay home and hide. Moving forward isn’t easy because it involves fighting for what you want but it has the highest payoff.
I was not a 4.0 student and I did not attend business school but what I lacked in ‘book smarts’ I made up for with determination. I never fit in, so I stopped trying and my life became drastically better. The moral of the story is I have learned that there is no point in trying to become someone you are not. Find what makes you happy and then stop at nothing to do it for the rest of your life.
More times than I can count, I had people make fun of me and tell me how stupid I was. I was told that my major was the easiest route to graduation possible and the fact that I thought anything I did was hard was a joke. I was told that I was a loser who would churn out nothing more than a few children. I was told that while I was suffering and poor, others would be driving Lamborghinis and laughing at me. I was told I was a joke, a psychopath, a bitch, a terrible human being. I was told I was the ugliest person alive and that I was pathetic. I was told that with my independence and drive, I would never find a man and therefore never truly be happy. I was told to shut up, that I had too much energy and that I would never succeed. I was told that “at least I was pretty” because I had no merit what so ever. I was made fun of for my dreams, my life and everything in between. I was in so much pain and did everything I could to smile through it. The ironic part in all this? Those months where I was feeling the lowest were months that people ended up telling me how radiant I was and how happiness emulated from my very being.
I wanted so badly to just give up and walk away from everything. I wanted to listen to my parents and get a 9-5 job, learn the ropes and just make money to be happy. I realized I didn’t fit in with people my age. I wanted so badly to just be accepted and be a normal young adult. I never felt like I fully fit in with one specific crowd and a good portion of 2015 was spent being angry about that. I had given up trying to fit in and was just in a period of time where I was trying to accept that this was who I was.
Almost one full month into 2016, I am in an entirely different place. I have never been happier with the way my life has gone and although I would not wish the negative’s from this past year on even my worst enemy, I realized that through the pain came one of the most amazing and influential years of my life. Through all the pain, I found more fire and more passion for my dream than I ever had before. I accomplished more in 2015 than all my previous years combined. I remember having a meeting with a big time Venture Capitalist to discuss my speaking ideas and I remember him looking at me and asking if I was ready for the work that would go into this. I remember looking at him and saying, “I have absolutely nothing left to lose.” I remember him looking at me with a smile on his face while he said, “I have no doubt that you are going to change the world.” I remember sitting in a meeting with the founder of EquiSeq a few weeks into my contract and him asking me where I saw myself in his company in a few years. I looked him straight in the eye and said “CEO.”
I don’t believe I am successful enough to give advice or preach, but I will share what I have learned from my personal experience. Shit sucks sometimes (pardon my French), there will always be bad days (sometimes a lot. Sometimes one right after another) and there will always be people who will do anything in their power to knock you down and make you feel like you are worth nothing. Some of us will never fit in with the ‘cool kids’ (me included) but it isn’t worth trying to. Just find your own island of misfit toys and enjoy your life with like minded people.
We have two choices in life: make yourself uncomfortable and then force yourself to move forward, or stay comfortable. If there is one thing I have learned from this past year, it is to keep moving forward. Even if forward means smiling when you feel like crying or getting out of bed and facing a problem when you really just want to stay home and hide. Moving forward isn’t easy because it involves fighting for what you want but it has the highest payoff.
I was not a 4.0 student and I did not attend business school but what I lacked in ‘book smarts’ I made up for with determination. I never fit in, so I stopped trying and my life became drastically better. The moral of the story is I have learned that there is no point in trying to become someone you are not. Find what makes you happy and then stop at nothing to do it for the rest of your life.
I don’t believe I am successful enough to give advice or preach, but I will share what I have learned from my personal experience. Shit sucks sometimes (pardon my French), there will always be bad days (sometimes a lot. Sometimes one right after another) and there will always be people who will do anything in their power to knock you down and make you feel like you are worth nothing. Some of us will never fit in with the ‘cool kids’ (me included) but it isn’t worth trying to. Just find your own island of misfit toys and enjoy your life with like minded people.
